unlocking, anchoring
by blueandblack
Summary: Edward/Bella. Their first night on Isle Esme, their first time.


The sun had been slipping into the horizon when we'd arrived at Isle Esme, but even the night air was warm, a little too warm for comfort really. I leaned over the sparkling white porcelain basin and splashed cold water on my face, sighing at the relief of it.

When I had wiped my face dry with one of the ridiculously fluffy towels on the golden rail, I stared at my pale reflection in the mirror, trying to see not a girl but a woman, beautiful like the one in the wedding dress had been, confident and ready for anything and… well… - I cringed a little at the word and then cringed again at my cringing - _sexy._

This is it. No more skirting around the issue. Tonight. Now. It's happening. This is it.

I slipped the violet silk robe over my shoulders, ignored all the other more outrageous articles of clothing Alice had so thoughtfully packed for me. Then I turned to face the door, took a deep breath, shook my hair out over my shoulders and opened it.

The sound rolled toward me on a soft wave.

It was lovely, familiar, not quite a tinkling, mellower, richer and… _it was my CD._

Edward had brought the CD he had made for me for my eighteenth birthday, the one with my lullaby on it, the one that had meant joy and then unbearable heartbreak, and now, here on this island, on our honeymoon, it meant joy again, unimaginable, beyond words.

I hurried down the stairs, following the honeyed string of notes until I found him in a large room with only one thing in it, and I knew that it wasn't a CD at all.

I couldn't move for a moment, just stood in the doorway, taking in the sight of Edward, leaning into the keys, drawing this aching beauty out of the dark mahogany grand piano in the center of the room.

He sensed me of course, turned his head without the slightest slip of his fingers to disrupt the melody, and smiled crookedly at me.

I smiled back, tiptoed over to him and stood at his side while he played, watched as such emotion shifted over his exquisite face, as his fingers stroked the keys tenderly, reverently. I was mesmerised by this, dazzled, I suppose, but in a way I had never been before, and when the final notes melted under his touch, I breathed out "That was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and heard."

He was looking up at me, with what was almost a wry smile. "And _that,_" he said softly, "was the most beautiful thing _I've_ ever seen and heard."

He lifted a hand to run along my waist, and I swallowed thickly at the feel of his cool fingers slipping over the silk I was already sweating into. I reached down and put my hand on his marble cheek and he leaned into it, closing his eyes, golden lashes fluttering along his skin, smiling when I lifted my other hand from my side, tangled my fingers in his hair. Then he sighed, a sigh that became a growl as he pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me and pressing a kiss to my stomach before he whispered _My wife._

I was still reeling from the coolness of his lips, separated from my skin by the flimsiest of fabrics, from the sweet rough sound of his claim on me, when he reached up and tucked a finger under the silk at my shoulder, letting the robe fall to my waist on one side.

I was naked underneath, half-naked under his golden eyes now, and the expression in them as he stroked his long, slim fingers tentatively over my left breast made my feet, my ankles, the whole of my lower body feel fuzzy, numb even, utterly unstable.

My head fell back when his lips replaced his hand, neck as limp and useless as my legs now, and it only took a moment of this, of his cold tongue tracing between my breasts and his hand, squeezing gently now at the flesh, a low moan at my skin and –

I fell. It felt like I was falling through the floor, through skies, through whole worlds, but it was barely a split-second and Edward had caught me, was standing now as he held me securely to his body. I heard him chuckle softly in my ear. "Oops."

We were moving now, I was faintly aware of that. I was cradled to his chest and he was walking swiftly, surely, almost gliding. Then there were stairs and I was tugging mindlessly at the buttons on his shirt, smiling to myself when one popped under my fingers, skittered across the floor.

I'd reached my goal – his sculpted chest, pale, almost shimmering in the moonlight that poured through the many windows – by the time he had reached his – our bed, huge, low to the ground and all clean, white crispness.

When he laid me down, leaning over me as he tugged at the sash on the silk gown, opening it out and revealing me to him fully for the first time, _for the first time,_ the reality of this descended with his many kisses, just as soft, just as sweet.

_This is really happening, finally, this is really happening._

With shaking hands I reached down, touched the button on his trousers.

_Would he really let me, would he – _

Edward froze, pulled away from my body and stared down into my eyes.

_Oh God please, please, no, please, please – _

But then slowly, deliberately, he leaned down to me again, his lips catching mine in a kiss that was firm and tender, hesitant and decided all at once.

He let me undo the button, pull the zipper down. Then he moved away, gracefully, swiftly, and when he was by my side again, he was naked.

_Edward Cullen. Bella Cullen. Naked. Together. Alone. In love._

He was kissing me again, and my hands were all over his back, pulling him closer, then trying, trying _so hard_ to still themselves, to keep this slow, leisurely, not to rush him, not to make it too much for him.

But I couldn't hold back, couldn't help gripping his shoulders, letting out a sharp gasp when he rolled himself on top of me and I could feel him against my thigh, ice-burning, urgent, harder than hard, but not stone, not stone.

"Bella," Suddenly Edward was looking at me with a vulnerability I'd never seen in him before. He was like a teenager, a _real_ teenager, full of hope and hopelessness, anticipation and uncertainty.

"Bella," he said again, with a tremble that made my heart swell, "I'm afraid."

I stared up at him, a strange awe ripping deliciously through me.

I lifted a hand from his shoulder, stroked his too-lovely face, and in that moment I felt older, wiser, braver than this bravest of men. It was bizarre, vertiginous, a world gone mad, and yet somehow completely right at the same time.

This was it. This was my turn. I would be the one to soothe him like he had soothed me a thousand times, like he would always soothe me. I would be the one to tell him beautiful things that would curl themselves around him and make him safe.

"Edward, I'm yours, _only_ yours. Forever. I'm your wife. I love you, more than anything ever loved anything else." I smiled as the perfect other half of that thought hit me with its full, dizzying force. "And you love me the same way. That's why it will be okay. That's why you don't need to be afraid."

I lifted my head and touched my lips gently to his, whispered "It's okay, love" into his cool, sweet skin, felt him shiver inexplicably at the warmth of my breath.

"Bella…"

The two syllables barely made it into the air.

I kissed him. Carefully of course, we still had to be careful, I knew that. And yet somehow it went deeper than it ever had, like I was touching something inside him that he'd kept hidden, protected, even from me.

My mind swam with the heaven of it and a low, muffled moan from Edward told me that he felt it too, felt the unlocking in both of us, the subtle but definite shift of our beings, closer now than I would have thought possible.

When we broke apart I was breathless and he seemed to be too, as though his body, however dead, came alive with mine, as though his chest had no choice but to expand and contract under the command of my rise and fall.

We were staring through the half-darkness, into each other's eyes, both caught in the same wild truth, mouths, hands, bodies stilled by the enormity of what we were feeling.

But the stillness was shattered when Edward leaned down to me all grace and speed, and kissed my neck. I inhaled suddenly, almost choked at the feel of his lips on my overheated skin, ran a hand slowly, firmly along his body, relishing the marble thickness of his upper arm, dipping to his side, fingers sliding over the slight bump-bump of his ribs, settling at his smooth, perfect hip.

I could trust him. No, more than that, my body could trust his body. I knew that absolutely, knew it even if he didn't.

"Stay with me, Edward," I whispered, "I'm here. Just stay with me and everything will be okay."

He kissed his way along my neck, my jaw, my chin, brushed my lips before pulling back slightly to look into my eyes, silently pleading with me to keep him here, be his anchor, as he began to press inside me.

The pain was white, blinding like sun on snow.

I managed to whisper "Stay with me, I love you" a couple more times before I bit my lip to keep from crying out, desperate not to show him how much it was hurting, then abruptly forced my teeth back, even more desperate not to bite down so hard I drew blood.

_Blood._

The thought crashed down around us just as I felt something break inside me.

_Blood. Oh God. You bleed your first time. How could we not have thought of that? I've dreamed this a million times, how could I – _

Sheer panic began to bubble up inside me and the pain seemed faraway, almost nothing compared to the thought that this could all be ruined by my blood, by my wretched humanity, by _my stupid lack of foresight._

But as the seconds passed and Edward inched further into me, further still, I knew that if he noticed the scent, he didn't care. His eyes were shut tight, his mouth open slightly, he seemed utterly and completely consumed by this, by me, by us, by this new sensation.

And as I looked up at his face, twisting gloriously in a kind of happy agony, I realized that the pain was gone, the pain was gone and the blood didn't matter and Edward and I were making love.

I felt tears slip out of the corners of my eyes, slide over my cheeks, while my lips curved in a smile.

I could feel it now, feel what he must be feeling, the coldness of him melting inside me, but still hard, full and stretching further, further…

It was incredible, truly this was everything it was cracked up to be and more. The feeling of being slowly, torturously, blissfully molded to the one you loved, of knowing that this wasn't dirty or cheap, that this had nothing to do with what frat boys made jokes about, that this was our bodies as one, this was Edward-and-Bella, at last, _this was it._

I reached for his face, reached to kiss him as I felt a luscious twisting in the pit of my stomach, a rush of heat that doubled, trebled when he whispered _M- my Bella, my only l- love_ into my lips.

Edward's voice was always gossamer-smooth, but now, as he moved slowly inside me, he stumbled over syllables that would ordinarily roll of his tongue with ease, he struggled with simple speech and I realized dimly that it was because he was losing control.

He was losing control _without losing control,_ and there had never been, would never be, anything more precious to me than knowing that I was the cause of that – of his pleasure and of his restraint both.

I was panting now, head moving side to side like someone locked in a dream, like I was lost inside the scent of his sweet breath against me, the feel of his naked chest pressed against mine. Everything, everything he was doing, it was all overwhelming, divine, pure paradise, sweated and cooled.

But in the end, it was the shakiness of his voice as he whispered beautiful, trembling things that undid me, made my whole body tighten involuntarily, convulsively, _indescribably_ around him, over and over again.

A moment later, he arched into me, and I could just barely see through a golden haze that still quivered around me, inside of me, everywhere, that he was biting down hard on his forearm as he braced himself over me.

Then it was over. I was complete, and Edward, my love, _my lover_ lay by my side, eyes closed, perfect lips curved in a smile half triumphant, half too lazy to be anything but itself.

My heart was almost beating like a normal person's again when his eyes opened and he turned to me, moved to wrap me against his body.

I pushed playfully at him, whispered "I need a moment alone, please."

His pale forehead creased in a frown and I worried that I might have hurt him, added "I'm only human, after all. A moment, please."

He nodded, pressed his lips to both my cheeks before walking to the glass doors. "I'll be on the balcony," he flashed me his crooked grin. "Hurry."

I giggled, pleased to the point of giddiness at his eagerness to have me with him again, slipped out of bed and hurried to the closet. My task took a little longer than it should have because I was shaky all over, unsteady on my feet, but frankly, I was pleasantly surprised to find that my limbs were functioning at all.

Once the sheets were changed and I'd cleaned myself up, I took another look in the bathroom mirror.

_There she is. There's Bella Cullen. The beautiful woman in the dress, but she's wearing nothing at all now._

I smiled, headed for the balcony, not bothering to put my robe on.

_My husband's naked, I'm naked, besides, this is a private island isn't it, what's the point of a private island if you can't –_

Edward turned immediately, watched me as I walked toward him, topaz eyes wide as they raked over my body.

It was extraordinary. I didn't feel embarrassed, didn't feel shy. It was like all my insecurities, all my issues with the imperfection of my human form were gone, gone like they had never been at all. All I felt now was peace, pride, love… all the things I could see on Edward's face.

I smiled. "Sorry about that, I just wanted to clean up a bit, just - "

He interrupted me softly. "Because of the blood."

"Right," I looked down, almost blushed despite my newfound self-confidence.

"Do you know," Edward murmured thoughtfully, pulling me into his arms, "I barely even noticed it."

I pressed my cheek to his cool, smooth chest, so soothing in this too-balmy night air, found myself grinning as I whispered "I barely even noticed we were on the earth."


End file.
